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Purposeful Consciousness

When trying to connect with God or the universe, we must not be afraid to lose our self. We must not be afraid to look at an existence where there are no labels, where “I” does not exist, and where “you” does not exist. When we look at the world around us we tend to define things by our experiences. We define things by our observations. We place meaning on everything. We describe things in color, or sound. We attach emotions and memories. We apply these labels because it’s easy. It’s what we are accustomed to.

Imagine a world where everything is new again. Imagine a word where there are no labels. Everyone is everyone. Everything is everything.

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Closer to You

My experiences are my own. I would not trade one sleepless night.
My experiences are my own. They have led me to be who I am.
My experiences are my own. I could not imagine it any other way.
My experiences are my own. They have brought me closer to you.

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Grasping Hand

You cannot grasp with your hands that which you do not understand. Like catching water with your fist, let it flow. Do not try to hold onto today. It is already tomorrow. Do not look to tomorrow. You are here.

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If Your Heart Were Truly Open

During difficult times I am reminded of conversations with God and the devil. As strange as that may seem, the message from both are lessons I will never forget. Almost seven years ago, the day before Thanksgiving, a friend of mine who lived on the other side of the world woke up from a dead sleep and felt compelled to message me three words, “Divide and Conquer.” During that time period I had already begun writing, but it was fairly infrequent. But when I saw those words, it was different. I began writing and writing and I could not stop. I literally wrote for hours from almost 10am to 4:30pm that day. I only stopped because I needed to pick up my son from daycare.

On the way to day care, I prayed to God and I asked Him in my heart, “Why can’t I stop writing?” In that moment, I felt a peace come over me. I heard/felt the words, “If your heart were truly open, would you ever want it to stop?” As I felt those words something happened. I could literally feel every emotion of everyone. I could feel love, pain, anger, hate, happiness, all of it. I could feel all of it all at once as if each thought and emotion were in some ether floating around, waiting to be felt, waiting to be expressed. It was all there, but it was not overwhelming. It was as if they simply existed, all without judgment. There was no good or bad. They were just expressions, existence. There were just the words I associated with what I saw. Just as I could feel the peace and I tried to hold onto it, it disappeared. It was still there but as soon as I tried to attach my understanding, and my perception to it, it disappeared. From that day onward, I would continue to write.

Sometime after that I had another “conversation.” In a dream I had seen the devil. There was no fear, anger or hate. There was simply understanding. In a dark room I could see the outline of a door. As I opened the door, I could see a figure. A light seemingly coming from nowhere shown upon this figure. I recognized him to be the devil. It was as if he was frozen by the light. He was not able to move, except to speak. I asked him, “Why are you the way you are?” Not expecting any response, he answered me. He simply said, “I forgot who I was. I forgot where I came from.” I could see remorse, and sadness. His burden was to see and feel the fruit of the seeds he had sown. In him, I saw myself and mankind. We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten the light, and the way. And in doing so, it was as if we turned our backs on God.

Upon waking from this dream, I was instantly reminded of my conversation with God. “If my heart were truly open, why would I ever want it to stop?” Why would anyone want to turn their back on God? I have looked back on these moments. I often ask myself could I have done something different to continue feeling that peace? What can I do to come to that state of mind? But in trying to grasp at what we think we know and by trying to label those things that we think we understand, we judge. We judge our experiences by those of others. We judge every aspect of life. We judge our grief, our pain, and our losses. We judge our love, our happiness, and our gains. We judge and we lose sight.

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God’s Measuring Stick

We are not God’s measuring stick. Though we may feel it is our duty to spread what we deem to be God’s word, let not our egos drive us. Let us not assume the will of God for He shall light the spark and ignite the flame in our heart.

All too too often God is used as a weapon. We use God to divide rather than to bring together. Elohim. From many we are one. It is through this understanding that we shall find God.

In the ghettos, in the wicked, in the hearts of the devout, on mountain tops, in the desert, and in every being we shall find God. Each of us are the face of God. We are the innocent, the disenchanted, the lonely; we are all part of God.

We are each other’s keeper. When we close our eyes and walk away, or when we turn our heads and mutter words of disgust under our breath, it is not man whom we turn our backs to, but it is God’s. We are like two faces of the same hand. We are one in the same.

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Leap of Faith

The danger with premonitions is that we can forget to live. Guidance is received in many ways and premonitions are just one of many. Guidance can come in the form of advice from a friend or a priest, or it can even come as a fleeting thought. The best guidance among them all is often the one we forget, the one that comes from our heart. If we live our life looking to confirm everything at every step, that’s not living, it’s trying to be right, but by whose standards? We are the ones who live with our decisions, positive or negative, and our decisions have an impact on the world around us. No matter how much we want to believe that our actions, thoughts and beliefs just affect us, we cannot fool anyone but ourselves. We affect each other, through our moods, words, action and inaction.

Though we may want that pat on the back every step of the way, sometimes we just have to put one foot in front of the other and take a leap of faith. Faith is not completely blind, when we follow our heart.

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Pray for Me

When you pray for me, do not wish for money or riches.
Instead, ask how you can help me. Sometimes it just helps to talk to someone.

When you pray for me, do not wish away my pain or sorrow.
Instead, come to me and talk to me. Let me lean my head on your shoulder.

When you pray for me, do not wish for an outcome or a path you would see for yourself.
Instead, give me guidance. Let me choose even if that means I falter.

When you pray for me, come tell me that you love me.
Sometimes all I need is to know I am not alone.

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Power

There is power in action. There is power in inaction. There is the power to create and the power to destroy. There is power to do all of these things and yet they are all illusions for every thought and every action has already been realized.

Fear not the things we know. Fear not the things we do not know. Fear not the things we do not know that we do not know. Do not fear for when I disappear, fear shall also rest its head.

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Virtue

I don’t write as often as I used to and that is by design. We each walk into this world with our own challenges and tests. We are different after all. We are born into different circumstances, speak different languages, and are faced with different hurdles in life. Regardless of those differences, we are more alike than we sometimes see or hope to be.

For me, my challenge has always been that I have a hard time when others cannot see the world as I do. I have a logical mind. I have always been this way. I have the ability to break down problems into their discrete parts, and by that virtue find a solution to problems, or perceived problems. I see the paths, in, through and out of situations. I see people in very much the same way. That in itself is my gift, my problem and my challenge. I can break people apart into their smallest parts, their motivations, their fears, their hopes, and their desires. I see these things in relation to their environment and the circumstances from which they come. I can see these things in regards to the relationships they have with others. Regardless of this, people are more than their fears, hopes and desires. They are more than the things they show, or even the things they hide.

And so in seeing people in this way, it’s easy to dismiss what others may see as a challenge. Seeing people in this way is a double edged sword. In one hand it can be used to manipulate people, to use people against themselves. By understanding how one’s fears and motivations drive them, they can be driven to do things they would not normally wish for themselves. Also by the same virtue, by understanding their hopes, they can be driven to be the best person they can be.

Today, I choose to write, not to be above others, or to convince others. I write because it is what my heart drives me to do. I write because in the end, you and I are the more than just alike. We are the same. We are One.

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Each Other’s Maker

God does not pit man against man and brother against brother. Man pits man against man. He does it because that is what he remembers. He does it because he is driven by fear. He does it because he thinks it is the only way he can survive. He does it because he thinks it is either the other person or himself.

Man never stops long enough to see that the other man is himself reflected in the mirror. The other man is all that he does not understand about himself. The other man is his fears in human form. The other man is everything he has forgotten about who he can become. The other man is everything he has left behind. Behind that other man are the infinite ways in which he can reach himself. Behind the other man are all the ways in which he has forgotten God.

We are each other’s maker. How easily we have forgotten who we are.