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Purposeful Consciousness


When trying to connect with God or the universe, we must not be afraid to lose our self. We must not be afraid to look at an existence where there are no labels, where “I” does not exist, and where “you” does not exist. When we look at the world around us we tend to define things by our experiences. We define things by our observations. We place meaning on everything. We describe things in color, or sound. We attach emotions and memories. We apply these labels because it’s easy. It’s what we are accustomed to.

Imagine a world where everything is new again. Imagine a word where there are no labels. Everyone is everyone. Everything is everything.

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Closer to You


My experiences are my own. I would not trade one sleepless night.
My experiences are my own. They have led me to be who I am.
My experiences are my own. I could not imagine it any other way.
My experiences are my own. They have brought me closer to you.

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If Your Heart Were Truly Open


During difficult times I am reminded of conversations with God and the devil. As strange as that may seem, the message from both are lessons I will never forget. Almost seven years ago, the day before Thanksgiving, a friend of mine who lived on the other side of the world woke up from a dead sleep and felt compelled to message me three words, “Divide and Conquer.” During that time period I had already begun writing, but it was fairly infrequent. But when I saw those words, it was different. I began writing and writing and I could not stop. I literally wrote for hours from almost 10am to 4:30pm that day. I only stopped because I needed to pick up my son from daycare.

On the way to day care, I prayed to God and I asked Him in my heart, “Why can’t I stop writing?” In that moment, I felt a peace come over me. I heard/felt the words, “If your heart were truly open, would you ever want it to stop?” As I felt those words something happened. I could literally feel every emotion of everyone. I could feel love, pain, anger, hate, happiness, all of it. I could feel all of it all at once as if each thought and emotion were in some ether floating around, waiting to be felt, waiting to be expressed. It was all there, but it was not overwhelming. It was as if they simply existed, all without judgment. There was no good or bad. They were just expressions, existence. There were just the words I associated with what I saw. Just as I could feel the peace and I tried to hold onto it, it disappeared. It was still there but as soon as I tried to attach my understanding, and my perception to it, it disappeared. From that day onward, I would continue to write.

Sometime after that I had another “conversation.” In a dream I had seen the devil. There was no fear, anger or hate. There was simply understanding. In a dark room I could see the outline of a door. As I opened the door, I could see a figure. A light seemingly coming from nowhere shown upon this figure. I recognized him to be the devil. It was as if he was frozen by the light. He was not able to move, except to speak. I asked him, “Why are you the way you are?” Not expecting any response, he answered me. He simply said, “I forgot who I was. I forgot where I came from.” I could see remorse, and sadness. His burden was to see and feel the fruit of the seeds he had sown. In him, I saw myself and mankind. We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten the light, and the way. And in doing so, it was as if we turned our backs on God.

Upon waking from this dream, I was instantly reminded of my conversation with God. “If my heart were truly open, why would I ever want it to stop?” Why would anyone want to turn their back on God? I have looked back on these moments. I often ask myself could I have done something different to continue feeling that peace? What can I do to come to that state of mind? But in trying to grasp at what we think we know and by trying to label those things that we think we understand, we judge. We judge our experiences by those of others. We judge every aspect of life. We judge our grief, our pain, and our losses. We judge our love, our happiness, and our gains. We judge and we lose sight.

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Each Other’s Maker


God does not pit man against man and brother against brother. Man pits man against man. He does it because that is what he remembers. He does it because he is driven by fear. He does it because he thinks it is the only way he can survive. He does it because he thinks it is either the other person or himself.

Man never stops long enough to see that the other man is himself reflected in the mirror. The other man is all that he does not understand about himself. The other man is his fears in human form. The other man is everything he has forgotten about who he can become. The other man is everything he has left behind. Behind that other man are the infinite ways in which he can reach himself. Behind the other man are all the ways in which he has forgotten God.

We are each other’s maker. How easily we have forgotten who we are.

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Thimble of Truth


We cannot seek to understand God through logic alone. We think we know so much but we only hold a thimble to the endless ocean. When we put down what we think we know, only then does the search begin, and only then does it end.

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Indefensible or Away From the People


RiskGuarding your heart is a lot like defending a capital, or a strategic city in a game of Civilization or Risk.

In those two games, there are typically two approaches. One involves choosing your boundaries such that there are large walls and as few neighbors as possible such that one can minimize the number of enemies or threats that are on their immediate border. Another strategy in similar games is again to minimize your boundaries, build moats and live high atop in towers or on platforms so as to minimize others’ abilities to reach you.

Although these strategies might fare well for games, it’s not always well suited for life. Isolation often breeds contempt. It prevents us from being able to understand others. We see life as we wish to see it, but we must also allow others that same opportunity. Yes, it might seem easier to live in isolation, without having to worry about other’s choices, but then what would life be? We can live for ourselves. We can live for God or some higher power, but does that not mean living for all of creation, even if we don’t always understand it?

The beauty of conflict is that it shows us who we are when things get rough. It shows us what we are willing to put up with or hide away. It’s a catalyst for getting us on the right path, whatever path that may be for each individual.

So yes, guard your heart, but allow it to be open enough that when love or kindness comes your way, you are able to accept it without question. Allow yourself to be blessed.

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Bend


Man would like to operate in his own time, and would reshape the world. He would seek exploration of the outer world without first mastering the inner. In his pursuit of knowledge and mastery of all that he holds dear, he has enslaved his spirit and forsaken his own existence.

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No Closer


Jacob's LadderA priest is no closer to God than a child with little knowledge of the world about him. A person who goes to church every day of every week is no closer to heaven than a person who seeks solace in the dwelling of their own heart. A person who has committed prayers to memory is no closer to having their prayers fulfilled than one who speaks candidly and without fanfare.

Kind words do not a person make. Great deeds and connections in high places do not a person make. We are on equal footing. No man or woman, whatever creed or stature, comes before the next. The line to the gates of heaven are made no closer by the volume of our prayers, or by our perceived connection to Creation. We are as One regardless of our understanding of it and any desire to exclude others from it. For in chastising others, or in celebrating our perceived standing, we have done nothing but separated ourselves. We have become divided amongst ourselves and within ourselves.

Bring peace to the world by seeing the peace within. Bring joy to the world by seeing the joy within. Bring understanding to the world by understanding yourself. Bring love to the world by loving yourself. One drop at a time, one soul at a time, we are united and we are One.

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Long Suffering


The words I could not say…

We love you.

We will miss you.

Forever in our hearts there will be a place for you.

We miss your company and yet you have not gone.

We miss your smile and yet you have not stopped smiling.

We miss your guidance and yet you have never stopped guiding.

We miss your warmth and yet your light shines ever brighter.

Go in peace, but never too far away.

3

Planting a Seed


green light

This is dedicated to my mom who inspired this thought.

Several years ago while meditating I decided to ask God to show me Himself. I asked Him to show me what God is, and to remove any of my preconceived thoughts of God and of existence itself. I asked that any internal and external biases be removed so that I may come to understand.

As I asked this through my heart, I attempted to quiet my mind. What I experienced and what I saw I could not expect. With my eyes opened, I became blind. I could not see anything. Slowly my vision went, and everything became black. There was not even a hint of light. With my ears straining to hear any voice or sound, I could hear nothing. The buzzing of the street lights disappeared and the distant traffic became non-existent to my ears. I had become deaf. Next my racing mind seemed to pause. All thoughts sank away. Not even an image or random thought had crossed my mind. It was quiet, yet at the same time I was all too aware that it was quiet. It was not overwhelming. I was peace.

Not a worry had occupied me. As I became aware of this emptiness, this lack of sensation, I began to see a tunnel in my mind’s eye. At the end or perhaps it was the beginning, I saw what appeared to be a green light, beckoning, almost like a cocoon. With that, I began to hear again and I began to see again. The image had disappeared and thoughts came flooding back.

At the time this occurred, I thought I had understood what happened. I thought I knew what God or perhaps my inner self was trying to tell me. I found solace in this quietness, this communion of sorts. And yet today I found myself seeing more understanding in this experience. I found God to be everything, and at the same time I found God to be nothing. I found God to be peace, inner peace, a choice seemingly made by me, but not entirely by me. Perhaps like a seed in our heart, God is there waiting to be nurtured, waiting to show us our true selves, our true potential.

What or who is God to you?

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