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If Your Heart Were Truly Open


During difficult times I am reminded of conversations with God and the devil. As strange as that may seem, the message from both are lessons I will never forget. Almost seven years ago, the day before Thanksgiving, a friend of mine who lived on the other side of the world woke up from a dead sleep and felt compelled to message me three words, “Divide and Conquer.” During that time period I had already begun writing, but it was fairly infrequent. But when I saw those words, it was different. I began writing and writing and I could not stop. I literally wrote for hours from almost 10am to 4:30pm that day. I only stopped because I needed to pick up my son from daycare.

On the way to day care, I prayed to God and I asked Him in my heart, “Why can’t I stop writing?” In that moment, I felt a peace come over me. I heard/felt the words, “If your heart were truly open, would you ever want it to stop?” As I felt those words something happened. I could literally feel every emotion of everyone. I could feel love, pain, anger, hate, happiness, all of it. I could feel all of it all at once as if each thought and emotion were in some ether floating around, waiting to be felt, waiting to be expressed. It was all there, but it was not overwhelming. It was as if they simply existed, all without judgment. There was no good or bad. They were just expressions, existence. There were just the words I associated with what I saw. Just as I could feel the peace and I tried to hold onto it, it disappeared. It was still there but as soon as I tried to attach my understanding, and my perception to it, it disappeared. From that day onward, I would continue to write.

Sometime after that I had another “conversation.” In a dream I had seen the devil. There was no fear, anger or hate. There was simply understanding. In a dark room I could see the outline of a door. As I opened the door, I could see a figure. A light seemingly coming from nowhere shown upon this figure. I recognized him to be the devil. It was as if he was frozen by the light. He was not able to move, except to speak. I asked him, “Why are you the way you are?” Not expecting any response, he answered me. He simply said, “I forgot who I was. I forgot where I came from.” I could see remorse, and sadness. His burden was to see and feel the fruit of the seeds he had sown. In him, I saw myself and mankind. We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten the light, and the way. And in doing so, it was as if we turned our backs on God.

Upon waking from this dream, I was instantly reminded of my conversation with God. “If my heart were truly open, why would I ever want it to stop?” Why would anyone want to turn their back on God? I have looked back on these moments. I often ask myself could I have done something different to continue feeling that peace? What can I do to come to that state of mind? But in trying to grasp at what we think we know and by trying to label those things that we think we understand, we judge. We judge our experiences by those of others. We judge every aspect of life. We judge our grief, our pain, and our losses. We judge our love, our happiness, and our gains. We judge and we lose sight.

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Bringing Down a Phalanx


phalanxDisbelief and self-doubt are powerful in their ability to destroy oneself and even those whom would place their trust blindly with others. No matter how inclined one is to follow a particular path or mode of thinking, seeing the doubt that others may have in the same idea can often be detrimental to one’s own ability to believe.

Where a bridge stood or a rope supported one’s weight, the support fades and we are left to question our own faith, and our own motives. Have we followed others all along, or have we forged our own path? Are we truly comfortable in our own skin, or have we lived off of the support of others?

Doubt can bring a phalanx down, but when confronted with a chance to redeem oneself, there is no turning back. There is only Us in the end, no one stronger, smarter, or more prepared. There is only Us and yet all we have to confront is ourselves.

   

    Recent Comments

  • Mark Says:

    a walk FATHER to SON Native Legends a walk FATHER to SON “A son and his father were walking on the ...

  • Andrew Smith Says:

    LOVELY!...

  • sidewalk_bends Says:

    Thank you Slorri for sharing your view and adding another layer. I hope that others will also share ...

  • Slorri Says:

    ... adding, most of this is subconscious. Compare Jung's Collective Unconscious....

  • Slorri Says:

    As a pantheist to me the question of "What or who is God" is easy. There is no god. There is consci...

  • Bandana Says:

    Really like this atlcire. Allowing ourselves to be controlled by fear of the media, or anyone in our...

  • wincie gladish Says:

    I would really like to print some of the thoughts posted on awareness of the heart but cannot get th...

  • sidewalk_bends Says:

    Only we can free ourselves from tyranny. We are the tyrants of our own soul....

  • Me Says:

    "... the act DOES NOTHING BUT TO PLACE A LIGHT SQUARELY ON ONESELF. It is the ego, which seeks to be...

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    These are comments from a mirror of this site that are pertinent to this post: Eoin: Beg to differ...

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