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If Your Heart Were Truly Open


During difficult times I am reminded of conversations with God and the devil. As strange as that may seem, the message from both are lessons I will never forget. Almost seven years ago, the day before Thanksgiving, a friend of mine who lived on the other side of the world woke up from a dead sleep and felt compelled to message me three words, “Divide and Conquer.” During that time period I had already begun writing, but it was fairly infrequent. But when I saw those words, it was different. I began writing and writing and I could not stop. I literally wrote for hours from almost 10am to 4:30pm that day. I only stopped because I needed to pick up my son from daycare.

On the way to day care, I prayed to God and I asked Him in my heart, “Why can’t I stop writing?” In that moment, I felt a peace come over me. I heard/felt the words, “If your heart were truly open, would you ever want it to stop?” As I felt those words something happened. I could literally feel every emotion of everyone. I could feel love, pain, anger, hate, happiness, all of it. I could feel all of it all at once as if each thought and emotion were in some ether floating around, waiting to be felt, waiting to be expressed. It was all there, but it was not overwhelming. It was as if they simply existed, all without judgment. There was no good or bad. They were just expressions, existence. There were just the words I associated with what I saw. Just as I could feel the peace and I tried to hold onto it, it disappeared. It was still there but as soon as I tried to attach my understanding, and my perception to it, it disappeared. From that day onward, I would continue to write.

Sometime after that I had another “conversation.” In a dream I had seen the devil. There was no fear, anger or hate. There was simply understanding. In a dark room I could see the outline of a door. As I opened the door, I could see a figure. A light seemingly coming from nowhere shown upon this figure. I recognized him to be the devil. It was as if he was frozen by the light. He was not able to move, except to speak. I asked him, “Why are you the way you are?” Not expecting any response, he answered me. He simply said, “I forgot who I was. I forgot where I came from.” I could see remorse, and sadness. His burden was to see and feel the fruit of the seeds he had sown. In him, I saw myself and mankind. We have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten the light, and the way. And in doing so, it was as if we turned our backs on God.

Upon waking from this dream, I was instantly reminded of my conversation with God. “If my heart were truly open, why would I ever want it to stop?” Why would anyone want to turn their back on God? I have looked back on these moments. I often ask myself could I have done something different to continue feeling that peace? What can I do to come to that state of mind? But in trying to grasp at what we think we know and by trying to label those things that we think we understand, we judge. We judge our experiences by those of others. We judge every aspect of life. We judge our grief, our pain, and our losses. We judge our love, our happiness, and our gains. We judge and we lose sight.

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Unfinished Thoughts


Exhale

No one wants to reflect the negativity they can encompass, but yet it is a part of us, for some of us more than others. Some of us are far better at dealing with these self-perceived imperfections while some of us choose to ignore it. Others dwell, as I often do. Others do it compulsively, almost to a fault.

It becomes a habit, a behavior that comforts us, no matter how self-destructive. Yet that comfort seems to override any semblance of peace, and what we know to be right.

 

Karma

Do not judge another for in doing so you judge yourself. The fault that is seen so acutely is seen first in yourself. The love and good seen in others is first seen in yourself.

 

Laugh

The light of day; how I wish to recognize you again.
The moon, how I miss our conversations when you disappear.

Laughter, when it didn’t mean poking fun at others; to live in innocence again.

 

Reprieve

A life we can no longer remember. Happiness is a distant memory. Reprieve from the mind.

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Forgiveness From the Ashes


Flaming Lightning Blade: Phoenix HeartForgiveness is not about forgetting nor is it about denial. Forgiveness is about relinquishing control. It’s about releasing pain that has manifested as anger and resentment. It is about releasing a self inflicted burden.

Like shackles that bind our feet, pain ties us to our current condition. Without forgiveness, whether of another or oneself, we become stuck in a vicious cycle of pain and resentment. With forgiveness or some would say godliness, we have a way out, a way forward.

It grants us the power, not over another, but over our own destiny. We don’t have to live in pain. We don’t have to live in misery. We need only realize that in all matters of the spirit we can choose a destructive path, or one that raises us from the ashes.

From the ashes I rise. From the ashes I forgive myself.

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Footsteps


Everyone leaves there mark, no matter how faded, transparent or stained it becomes. It is not our place to decide what lives on, what is changed and what is forgotten. How we live on in other’s memories is not up for us to decide, but how we live for today is. What we do now in this moment may be wiped out in an instant by the actions or inactions of another, but that does not matter as much as what we each decide to do now.

We cannot spend our every moment worrying about how we will be perceived, or how our words or actions may be remembered or turned against us, for each must make their own mark. Some will say only time will tell when it comes to the truth, but do not be mistaken. Time erases nothing, for everything we do, everything we think and everything we speak echoes for eternity. And yet none of it matters, except for now.

Redemption is now. Forgiveness is now. Acceptance is now. Love is now. It’s all happening right now.

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Escaping Justice


Casey Anthony verdict

What is justice? Is it punishment meted out by courts? Is it being seen as the victor in the eyes of peers? Is it never forgetting the harm and the cruelty inflicted by others? Is it the vindication of perceived and real slights? Is it the recognition of one’s disenchantment and dehumanization? Is it being seen as an equal in the eyes of those who claim no equals? Is it an eye for an eye or a tooth for a tooth? What is justice to you?

Perhaps justice is none of these things. Perhaps like so many other things, it is simply an illusion of temporary fulfillment? And though it does not fulfill the heart, it pleases the mind to know that one’s cause has not been forgotten. However, if one were to truly accept of themselves and to love of themselves, would justice still exist? Would it have a purpose, or would it simply stand as a distraction?

Though the mind may be pleased, true justice comes when the heart can forgive and the mind can accept. Rather than putting a pain away for another day, peace is realized and justice fades away as another form of judgment we place on one another. Justice in the eyes of men and women become empty breaths of despair. Justice is not the mob. It is neither punishment nor retribution. Justice, seen and felt in the soul is love, understanding.

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Sacred Cow


KC Sacred Cow by Rebecca L. MillerWhen the sacred cow becomes a sheep, do not cast him aside. Do not banish him from the heard or mark him as an abomination. Do not poke a finger in his eye, or berate him for his transgressions. Do not speak behind his back, or cast aspersions under your breath. Judge him not for the things that others wanted him to be. Judge him not for giving you what you wanted. Judge him not for the weights he has carried. Welcome him that he may see his place. Welcome him that he may become as you. Forgive him that you may also forgive yourself.

sculpture credit: KC Sacred Cow by Rebecca L. Miller

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The Peril of Knowing


The peril of knowing you judge yourself for this life,
You judge yourself but it can’t last.

You walk through the door,
And right into your past.

Troubled by this life,
Fix the things that others can’t see.

Troubled by this life,
Create excuses for the things you can’t flee.

Walk outside the door,
Never turn your back no more.

Walk outside the door,
Worried your life’s become a chore.

Start a new day,
Turn the page.

Start a new day,
Gonna put down that rage.

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Driving in Circles


circle trackWhen we make assumptions about people and how they will possibly act towards us or react toward a given situation, we act from a place of fear. Rather than approach a person or a situation with a clean slate, we place our fears in front of us as if to guard us from the possible outcome. But are we really protecting ourselves? Are we really seeing the truth, or are we judging someone before they have had a chance to act? Should not each person, regardless of their past, and regardless of their attitudes be given a chance? Should not each encounter be a new opportunity? It is true that we should not allow others to manipulate us. At the same time, if we treat each person with the expectation that they will behave as they have in the past, regardless if they behaved well or poorly, do we not rob ourselves of that moment? Are we then no better than the person we have come to judge?

Perhaps if we can break that cycle, we can give others a chance to grow and we can allow ourselves to grow. And if our assumptions are proven correct, rather than gloat and live in the temporary satisfaction of being right, we can put aside our pride. Perhaps that is all that is needed to reopen a door that was once thought to be shut. Though we might think we have nothing to learn or to gain from reopening a door, perhaps we can assist others and show them it is okay to walk through. It is okay to forgive. It is okay to put down a grudge. It is okay to admit error. It is okay to accept an apology. It is okay to let bygones be bygones. It is okay to move forward. It is okay to love again.

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Not Guilty by Association


Muammar GaddafiHaving ties to a criminal, murderer, or rapist does not make a person these things by association. Rejecting hate does not mean rejecting a person who hates. Rejecting murder does not mean rejecting the murder. Rejecting rape does not mean rejecting the rapist. We can abhor these acts, but does it require one to disown and disentangle oneself from those who may have committed these acts? By doing so, does it not just feed the hate? To suddenly dislodge oneself from close association with someone because of their actions, does not bring a person closer to understanding, or love. Instead, it promotes the demonization of individuals. It turns individuals into symbols and idols, to either be worshiped or cursed. To cast another aside is to elevate oneself above all others. To bring into the fold is to show compassion, and understanding. To show compassion and understanding, is to give an invitation to unconditional love.

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Golden Snake


golden snakeDamning the snake does not bring resolution. Speaking ill of the snake does not bring the snake closer to the truth and to understanding. Hate fought with hate brings more hate. Anger fought with anger brings more anger. Hate and anger, shown love, brings light.

Speak no ill will toward your enemy for your enemy is your brother and sister in truth. None is held more dear to the Creator than the other. None shall enter into the kingdom before the other, for none can walk before the other. When we speak ill of others, we drown ourselves in discontent. When we lift others up, we also lift ourselves. For in understanding the struggles of others, we may also understand our own struggles, for the left is tied to the right.

Do not wallow in the misery of the snake but instead bring him closer to the infinite joy within. Allow the snake to be a snake and recognize its own joy.

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